Learn Nothing!!!

Shutter the windows! Turn off your television! Shut down your computer!! Put away those video games! Don't answer the phone!! Remove all reading material from your home! And for God's sake don't GO ANYWHERE! Don't speak OR listen, and by all means stay away from neighbors and friends!!

Or else you're doomed. Because today is:
Relax....Enjoy....

Leaving the world wide open

I was just reading the list over at Always Learning, and there was a discussion about TV-watching that I just loved reading, not just because it espouses the value of TV, but because the voices of the unschooling moms are so full of respect, love, and connection with their families. I often visit this list to read the voices of Sandra Dodd, Pam Sorooshian, Joyce Fetterol, and others, because they inspire me and remind me about why we have chosen to unschool our kids. And they help me get better at it.
I am into my fifth year of unschooling, and I am still learning to consistently create and foster an environment for my boys that is free and full. I get anxious when I discover certain things they don't know; when gaps are revealed through conversation, I sometimes still, want to whip everybody into shape with some structure and lessons. However, I have gotten to a point where I can silently acknowledge that anxious feeling in myself, and not punish them for my insecurity. It is mine, and when I impose it on them, I end up damaging our trust and our flow of natural learning.

Just yesterday, we were sitting around the table for lunch and I was reading questions to them from a deck of quiz cards one of them got for a birthday. They were all science-based questions and one of them asked what the center of a hurricane was called. My youngest answered "The eye, the eye!! I remember from Tweety and Sylvester!!" Other answers came forth, and when asked how they knew, I was struck by the wide variety of sources for their answers. Visits with grandparents, trips to museums, conversations with friends, cooking, camping, stories, and yes...TV and video games...were all cited. There were things they didn't know, but there was no shame in their not knowing. Just an inquisitiveness and a sense of "Huh. I didn't know that."I still have to get a grip on myself sometimes, and remove my ego from their learning. I have come to appreciate not only their knowledge, but their freedom to not know; their ability to see information and connections everywhere, and to take in what interests them. They get to wonder about things and to explore many paths. The best part is that I get to be there too, and I am grateful for that.

School

The kids start school around here tomorrow, and I am feeling my annual tug of doubt in my head. Not in my heart, mind you. Just in my head. I worry that my kids will miss their friends or feel left out, or that after a summer filled with friends, I will be very boring. But after today, I feel better.

We released our first of four monarchs that we have raised from eggs, we had a great discussion about school and how glad they are that they don't have to go, then more about things they want to do in the coming weeks. Their list of things to do includes wheel-throwing pottery, buying a new game for the Wii, mountain-biking, apple-picking, and staying in pajamas. They asked for science experiments and trips to specific museums. They asked for laser tag, cooking, history lectures, and visits with their grandparents. All those things belong on the same list for them.

Our conversation reminded me of how their perception of what is productive or worthwhile is without boundaries. Everything in their life is fair game for learning, and they are only limited by their imagination of what is possible. Sometimes I still think of my old subject notebooks with their nice neat separations of five or six sections. They were very structured and comforting...and labelled. Our life - our learning - does not fit into those notebooks, and I can find that to be both wonderful and disconcerting at the same time. I have to continually tinker with my inner nagging school marm...but her voice is fading, and her bullying tactics don't work so well anymore.

A Learn Nothing Day Disaster!!

It all started off with such promise. It was raining. We had been on vacation in Vermont for about ten days with family and we were all a bit quiet and restful. Conditions were perfect for learning absolutely nothing.

Then I opened my big mouth...."Is buffalo mozzarella made with buffalo milk?"

You see, the day before LND, we had been to a farmer's market where local goods are sold. I was drawn to a table where they were selling cheese and yogurt and had started chatting with the farmer. He told me that their products were made with buffalo milk right there in Vermont, then he got distracted and the kids all wanted their yogurts, so off we went. This is the setting for that fateful Learn Nothing Day disaster. My husband was under the impression that buffalo mozzarella was a term rather than an indication that buffalo milk was used. "Really?" I said, "I know he said that they used buffalo milk."

But maybe I misheard?

Was I having a Jessica Simpson moment?

Husband says:

"You can't milk a buffalo!!"

"Have you seen many buffalo roaming around since we got here? There's no way."

I had to find out. Learn Nothing Day, be damned!!

Here is what I found out from the website. If you click on the link, you may see for yourself:

Bufala di Vermont, based in South Woodstock, Vermont, is the site of the first water buffalo farmstead creamery in the United States and has the largest and the best quality milking herd of water buffalo in North America. Although water buffalo milk and its products have been consumed around the world for thousands of years, there are only three water dairies in the United States. All Bufala di Vermont products are made in Vermont and are 100% pure water buffalo. Water buffalo, or bufala, are a completely different species than North American buffalo, which are actually bison. One of the greatest differences between these two animals is that water buffalo are an excellent source of dairy, as well as meat. Water buffalo produce approximately 15% of the world's milk, primarily in Southeast Asia, South America and Italy. Italians have been using water buffalo for over 200 years where the meat and mozzarella are highly regarded delicacies.

Bufala di Vermont produces fresh and aged cheeses, yogurt, and specialty meats. All products are all natural and free of antibiotics, growth hormones and anything artificial.

AHA!! So we drove 20 minutes to visit the only dairy-based water buffalo herd in North America and we all got to pat them and meet the farmer and see the dairy operation. We were doomed.

SO, it was me....I ruined a perfectly good Learn Nothing Day for all of us. Except one of my boys reminded me that they were still boycotting it anyway, so it was okay with them.

Better luck next year, I guess.

13 reasons why I love unschooling




1.I can stay home with my children and learn beside them.

2.My children get to make friends with a wide variety of people.

3.We get to cuddle in the morning and talk quietly before we start the day.

4.Despite periodic illness, my kids have perfect attendance records :).

5.I trust my children to learn what they need to know when they need to know it, so they never feel "behind."

6.No school bullies live here.

7.My children get to know me as a full person, not just as a mom.

8.The principles of unschooling have helped me to be a better wife, friend, and parent.

9.Because we unschool, my children do not view learning as a task that is separate from their life.
10.My boys get the opportunity to truly bond as brothers.

11.No cold, early morning, wet, snowy, shivery bus stop.

12.Museums, movies, beaches, parks...all are nearly empty, cheaper, and easy to explore when everyone else is in school.

13.I get to be with my kids every day, and I love watching them grow and change. I'm not missing anything.

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Learning from my boys

It seems like almost every day, my boys teach me how to be their mom. As they grow from littler boys into bigger boys, their boy-ness has become more apparent to me. I am with them every day, all day, and I am still having to breathe through their noise and roughness. They are not always noisy and rough, but it is a way that they communicate and move through space that is different from me. Not just as an adult, though that is part of it. It is their boy-ness. I grew up with two older brothers who wrestled with me and each other. I raced them and fought with them. I am not completely out of my element with boys. But I often need to check my expectations and leave them behind. I know there are also girls who are rambunctious and loud, but even these girls seem more balanced to me than my boys do. I recognize those girls as reflections of my own childhood in a way that I don't with my sons. So I have been trying to expand and grow rather than trying to change my boys. That was like trying to teach cats to swim.

Going to the grocery store is a frequent adventure. They want to help, but they also want to run down the aisles and coast on the cart, and see how fast they can go. They want to see how many different ways they can hang on to the cart while it goes. My littlest one likes to climb onto the bottom rack and "spy" the other shoppers. Twice...TWICE...we have tipped the cart full of groceries over in the store. Now, you may think this is crazy and wild. It is, I suppose, but its not done in a destructive or completely careless way. They are very kind to other shoppers, and careful of older people. They talk to babies who are riding, and they delight in making them laugh. They like to see if they can find the jam I want; low sugar, organic, 16oz., seedless (10 points), or if they can get the right oatmeal; old-fashioned, rolled, organic, stove-top, round canister (15 points).

I am tired after shopping, and I often prefer to go alone so I can go faster because I see grocery shopping as a chore. They see it as just another opportunity to play and learn. So it is better if I choose to make that shift when I am with them, and when I do, they show me the rich possibilities in an otherwise laborious task. Helping them take turns pushing the cart. Discussing the importance of weight distribution on the cart!! (Why did it fall over?) Noticing the patterns on the floor that are good for a game of walking challenges. Talking with them about why certain foods are on my list and others are not. Honoring their food choices and their desire to try new things (What's meusli?) They read labels and check prices of different sizes. They like to see if there are free samples, and they remind me to get things I would have forgotten, like the dried mango and the kind of bacon that Dad likes. They unload the cart, and my oldest likes to run my credit card through the machine and sign my name on the electronic screen.

Just the process of writing this is a reminder that I need to chill out more at the grocery store. And that's just one example. Museums, movies, visits with relatives, medical appointments...I can get anxious about how they are going to act, and ahead of time I often discuss etiquette for different settings. I worry too much, and sometimes forget to become a part of the process with them.. I get too caught up in preventing arguments and hoping they don't seem too wild and loud to everyone else.

It is probably a Buddhist saying, but I'm not sure. I don't remember where I first read it, but I come back to it frequently when I am feeling perplexed about my parenting skills:

Don't try to steer the river.

So, even though I feel that we are going through some whitewater rapids in our journey together, I need to remember to steer the boat (or occasionally the shopping cart as the case may be), but not the river of their boy-ness.

Unchooling Voices #13

The new issue of Unschooling Voices is now up over at PoMeyu. Check it out for some wondrous unschooling wisdom.

Close the textbook and slowly step away from the kitchen table!!

The March '08 edition of Unschooling Voices will be hosted over at PoMoyemu. The optional topic question is:

What do you do, as an unschooling parent, when your child expresses an interest in a particular topic, and you don't know how to help them in a way that doesn't involve lesson plans and curriculum?


As an unschooling parent, lesson plans and formal curriculum do not drive our days. While we do have what I would call "schooly" resources in our home - workbooks and such- they are probably the least- used materials we have.



This is a John Holt quote that is in place at my friend's blog, Be Here Now.

“What children need is not new and better curricula but access to more and more of the real world; plenty of time and space to think over their experiences, and to use fantasy and play to make meaning out of them; and advice, road maps, guidebooks, to make it easier for them to get where they want to go (not where we think they ought to go), and to find out what they want to find out.”

-John Holt, Teach Your Own

When my kids develop an interest in something, it is an exciting opportunity to see where it takes us. The library is full of movies, audio books, instructional videos, CD-ROMS, and loads of BOOKS! Sometimes the curiousity is sated with a short explanation or a picture, and other times it is the beginning of a path that takes us to a different place. Museums, beaches, wooded trails, historical markers, restaurants...all these places and more are considered our curriculum materials.

An internet connection and a minivan connect us to thousands of resources. When I look at our traditional schoolish worksheets and activity pages, I like them for what they are. They can be a jumping off place, or they can concretize something I have trouble explaining, but standing alone they cannot compare to the rich opportunities that the wide world of unschooling offers.

Unschooling Voices

Elusive diversity

One of the constant issues on my mind as a mother who is trying to provide a rich learning environment for her kids is, what about diversity?? It is easy for me to find resources for my kids. We enjoy mseum memberships and we live within easy walking distance to our incredible library. We have homeschool friends and athletic activities. We have a reliable vehicle that can take us wherever we want to go. We lead a pretty full life. Except...we do not have much contact with people of color or different ethnicities. We live in a very homogenous town in a very homogenous part of the state, in a very homogenous part of our country. I try to put concerted effort into geting my kids out of our town and to places where not everyone looks like them. I want them to hear different languages, see different clothing, and to develop at least an awareness of how big the world is outside of our white town. Moving to a more diverse town is not economically feasible for us right now, and a move to a city would not suit me.

Unschooling does give us the freedom to get out of our town more often and to explore the different nooks and crannies beyond the familiar. I see my kids notice yalmulkes and burkhas and saris. I watch them try platanos, pho, and curried rice. We listen to samplings of different music. When it is better weather, we are more apt to use the subway or the commuter train to get into and to move around the city. During our outings and after we return home, I try to encourage conversations about all that we've seen. Much of what they notice goes far beyond the walls of any museum.

I am hoping that they will feel comfortable moving around in the larger world when they get older. I am hoping that they will feel able to relate to people who are different from them. I am hoping they will develop awareness and compassion for those who are less fortunate. I hope that the freedom of unschooling allows me to show them a bigger world beyond the segregated society we live in here. Exposing them to math, science, history...all the traditional school subjetcs..that's easy. Those concepts and opportunities are everywhere. Helping them to become citizens of the world is perhaps a more daunting issue for me.

Opportunities for friendships with children from different racial or ethnic backgrounds are extremely limited. A few of their friends are adoptees from foreign countries, and those adoptive families do discuss and incorporate the culture of their child's birth country into family life. Sometimes we attend organized trip for homeschoolers outside of our area, but even these groups are not racially or culturally diverse. As my kids grow, I hope to continue finding opportunities for us to enrich our lives with people and places that are more reflective of the world.

Why We Unschool (Part II)

Making the decision to homeschool our son at the end of first grade was not the hardest part of this change. The hardest part was telling our families and close friends that we were veering off the main road on our own journey.

It is hard to veer off the main path. My mom, the retired schoolteacher, wanted to grab the wheel. I knew that she didn't want to control us, but she was afraid we might get lost. We talked, and over time she became more reassured about our decision. We had a map that showed us how to get back to the main road anytime. Some friends were a little miffed. A couple of them took our decision to homeschool as a judgement of their journey. Some couldn't understand why I would want to get off of this seemingly flat, smooth well-marked road. Was I just deciding to be contrary and different? Was I being elitist? No. And no.

While it felt like most of the other parents were on the main road toward the holy grail - COLLEGE! CAREER! SUCCESS!! - we decided to take a scenic route and focus on the journey, wherever it lead. If we focus on having a joyful, fulfilling journey, how can we not end up in the right place eventually?

Most importantly, our son expressed some relief when we talked to him about staying home. I remember feeling honored by his trust in us. As long as he would still be able to see his friends, he was happy to leave school behind. School was not a bad experience for him, but he did not flourish there. His teachers often remarked about how quiet and compliant he was . This pleased them, but it worried me. It was almost as if he was holding his breath all day, because when he came home he would often unleash his aggression and anxiety at me and his younger brothers. Keeping him home was going to be good for all of us.

Serendipity had it that the summer after our decision to homeschool, the Live and Learn Conference was taking place about a half hour from my house. I knew nothing about unschooling, but I casually walked in with my kids on that Friday, asking if I could register at the door. I told two conference divas at the check-in that I found about about the event on the internet two days before and I was interested in checking it out. *Blink* *Blink* Was I aware that this was a national conference and that people had been planning for months, travelled from all across the US to attend? Um...no. *Blink* *Blink* They let me register.

So, as luck would have it I got to listen to a keynote speech from Ann Oman, another session with Sandra Dodd, and yet another with Valerie Fitzenreiter. I was immediately immersed in a sea of happy unschoolers and I knew I was in the right place. Looking back, I don't know how long it would have taken me to come to unschooling without this conference at my back door, but I know we were spared the struggles of school-at-home and the cost of many unnecessary curriculum materials because of that weekend.

Four years later, I can honestly say that I only wish we had pulled him out sooner. Family and friends have evolved along with us, and I cannot remember the last time someone said something unsupportive to me. My mom still worries, but she also listens and she is respectful of us. She and my dad have enjoyed their opportunity to spend extra time with the boys, taking them places, visiting for the day, being with them. My in-laws do not share their thoughts about what we do. I sense their concern, but there is no dialogue. That's fine. I hope they are seeing that the boys are growing, learning, and enjoying their lives without school. I couldn't be more confident that they are.

Unschooling Voices

This happened...but then...

This happened:

I got a bad cold and I was miserable getting up yesterday morning. Poor sleep, stuffy nose, painful sinus headache....I wished I could just stay in bed and not have anyone need me.

But then...

my son gave me a hug and offered to make me tea. He climbed onto a chair to get the kind he thought I needed, and he poured it into my favorite mug. He went over to his brother on the couch and offered to read to him so that I could sit and sip. He asked if he could start a paper mache project he had been planning and I helped him find some space. He worked at it for an hour, and he thanked me several times for helping him get the supplies and for mixing the paste.

During the day, all three boys asked how I was feeling, hugged me warmly, and told me that they hoped I would feel better soon.

I was warmed and soothed and cared for by my kids.

Such medicine cannot be bottled, but if it could it would cure so much more than a silly cold.

Why We Unschool (Part I)

Very often, I am asked about why we home school our three boys. We live in a lovely town with top-rated schools, and the idea that I wouldn't want my kids to attend is very puzzling to people. I am not a religious zealot, and I have never been referred to as radical.
I guess the idea to keep my kids home was borne of my experience in La Leche league some years ago. I breastfed all three kids for two years or more. At that point, that was the most radical thing I had ever done in my life. If someone had told me when my oldest was born that he would still be breastfeeding at age two, I would have laughed....and blushed. LaLeche League helped me to "be the mom;" to make my own decisions about how I chose to care for my kids, rather than blindly conform to what was considered "normal." I grew up. Then I found out that school is the "formula" of early childhood.

Several years later when it was time for my oldest son to start kindergarten, I was thinking about home schooling, but not seriously. My second was just two, and we planned more. Kindergarten was not every day, and I thought he'd enjoy it. He did. He also went to first grade where he continued to make friends while I continued to ponder keeping him home. I missed him, and while he didn't seem unhappy at school, his spark for learning new things was being extinguished. He was an avid reader and writer so he was often sent to work independently while the teacher worked with other kids. Her mandate to bring the students up to a certain level for standardized testing left my kid sitting alone at a table doing worksheets. She was a wonderful, talented teacher who was not allowed to honor each child's progress. She had to toss aside her creativity and some of her compassion so that she could get the 6 year-olds up to snuff. Our real estate market depended on her. I also realized that no matter how good our school system was, they were never going to be able to provide my son with what I felt was the best learning environment; a place where he could explore his interests at will. He was already buying into the gold star mentality, sipping the Kool-Aid of test performance and reading rewards. And I was starting to hold the pitcher. EEK! I had to get him out of there.

Fast forward...By the end of first grade my husband had come to see the light and we decided our oldest child would not go back to school. We had also been sending the middle one off to preschool a couple of mornings each week, and I stopped that too. The school had a strong artistic slant, which I thought would be wonderful, but my middle one struggled with his motor skills and the sensory environment overwhelmed him. It was not a good fit. On his last day as the door was closing behind him he declared "Well, thank God that's over!" The issue for me was how to tell the other people in my world that I was seceding from normal society and becoming a freaky homeschooler.

Unschooling Meme Challenge

This is for the Unschooling Voices Blog Carnival #12 which is being hosted by Kim over at relaxed homeschool. The challenge is to answer each question using photos. Here goes:

1. Favorite Resource....

2. A field trip they loved and learned from. King Arthur festival
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3.A game they love so much and don't realize it's educational. "I'm thinking of a number between..."

4.What you've strewn lately. .....

5.Everyday task where they pick up lots of info. Riding in the car

6.A resource you have always wanted to purchase for the children, but keep putting off. More travel experiences.

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7.What your kids think school is really like. ............................

Best Place to Unschool: