The Youngest Boy

He is a barrel of conflicting emotions and expressions. You can never know exactly what's going to emerge, but he is free with his smiles.

The Oldest Boy

What I love about this photo is the soulfulness of his gaze. I often wonder if he is looking at me or if he is lost in his own thoughts.

The Middle Boy

He is sweet and sensitive. Sometimes temperamental, but he bounces back well. He always seems to know when someone needs a hug.

Take us to Your Leader

When I came across this fairly recent photo, it inspired me to start this blog. Pretty soon, one or all of them won't let me share this stuff anymore, never mind take these pictures. Besides, its just funny.

This particular photo of these knights in shining armor was taken at the Higgins Armory in Worcester. It was a fun thing to do on a damp, chilly late winter day. On the way home we went to a Chili's restaurant near Nashoba. The kids were hungry and tired. The place was nearly empty, and the waitress seemed that she had way better things to do than serve our family who had the nerve to show up in the middle of a nice slow afternoon. It was a long wait. Daniel found that if he leaned over just right while standing on the bench of our booth he could see the TV in the bar. Only, just his luck...they had golf on. Head goes into hands and he exclaims, "This place is hell." Nathan was laughing so hard, there were tears. We proceeded with a discussion about the word "hell." Is it a swear? Sometimes? When? Examples?? I think the kids in the next booth got quite a bit of information that day.

Renewal

The clocks changed yesterday, and I can already feel the springtime me emerging. Since turning 40, I think the winter season has become more of a challenge for me, emotionally. Each day is a conscious effort to overcome the dark and cold. But with the promise of light and warmth ahead, I feel lighter and....happier. I have gone back to reading blogs and sites that inspire me, comfort me, re-charge me. So, it occurred to me to retrieve my username and password, and start writing again.

da bruddas

That is what my youngest used to call his older brothers. "Da bruddas." "what da bruddas doin'?" "wheah da bruddas?" Now that he is older, his pronunciation has become more sophisticated, but my husband and I often refer back to this more endearing term. It has occurred to me more and more that by being unschoolers, my children will be able to really know one another to a depth I will never know my own siblings. My brothers and I generally liked each other and got along. Still do. We love each other. But I would hesitate to say that I really know them, or even ever really knew them. I think that the deep bond of a healthy sibling realtionship is something that is probably one of the richest experiences a person can have.

When my husband and I are gone our boys will have each other to share their memories. And so we are making those memories now. Our choice to be home together provides us with so many opportunties to build trust, love, and compassion for each other, and although there are days when those elements are lacking, we always have the next moment, the next day, another week, to get past the hurts and experience the joy of being together as a family.

don't go with the flow

This time of year has become a time of mixed feelings. I am happy that we are not a part of the "back-to-school" frenzy. I am looking forward to going to the beach after Labor Day with the boys and savoring the outdoors of September. I feel fortunate to not have the anxiety of a new school year ahead of us. I am glad. Really glad.

But....there is this other part of me that feels a little left out. Its as if there is something exciting going on, and we are missing it. I suppose that is true, too. This is the trade-off of homeschooling to me. Along with the freedoms and joy, there are pangs of isolation, especially in September. The boys don't seem to notice. I think it is a part of the rythym of my life for so long. September is my reminder that I have changed rythyms.

Deciding not to enroll the boys in school is a new commitment every year even though my philosophy is that learning is a natural, ever-evolving process. I hope that as years pass, this seed of doubt...this fear of being different...this pesky little knot...just dissolves.