Have you???

I lifted this from Debra over at From Skilled Hands.

Bold the things you’ve done and will admit to.

1. Started your own blog (obviously)
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon (chuckle chuckle)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run (well, maybe in kickball)
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car(pickup truck actually)
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life(heimliched my mom)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous(Larry Bird)
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby (three!)
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

And...I VOTED FOR OBAMA!!!

Methinks I need to travel more.

How about you?

The Other Mr. Rogers

When I was in college and graduate school, I was drawn to Carl Rogers' writings. His philosophy of client-centered therapy deeply resonated with me those many years ago and guided me toward my approach to helping relationships as a professional social worker. He was considered controversial in his time, even radical, because he shunned the scientific models of psychology which stressed the quantitative shaping of behavior through more external means rather than using the therapeutic relationship as a foundation for client-motivated change.

I had forgotten about him. Or I thought so. Until I came upon one of his books in the library the other day. On Becoming A Person was published in 1961, near the end of Carl Rogers' career as a psychologist. The book is a compilation of writings and talks that reveal his journey toward the person he had become.

I am awed by his grace and genuineness and have found renewed favor for his words. But what I found most remarkable were his perspectives on teaching and education. Chapter 13 is entitled "Personal Thoughts on Teaching and Learning." It is derived from a presentation he gave at Harvard in 1958 where he was requested to expand his ideas to the concept of "student-centered teaching." I will not go into too much detail, but wanted to share some of his thoughts here:


"It seems to me that anything that can be taught to another is relatively inconsequential, and has little or no significant influence on behavior."



"I have come to feel that the only learning which significantly influences behavior is self-discovered, self-appropriated learning."



"When I try to teach, as I do sometimes, I am appalled by the results, which seem a little more than inconsequential, because sometimes the teaching appears to succeed. When this happens I find that the results are damaging. It seems to cause the individual to distrust his own experience, and to stifle significant learning. Hence I have come to feel that the outcomes of teaching are either unimportant or hurtful.....This is frankly troubling."



"...I realize that I am only interested in being a learner, preferably learning things that matter, that have some significant influence on my own behavior."



He goes on to say expound on the implications of these thoughts:


"Such experience would imply that we would do away with teaching. People would get together if they wished to learn..We would do away with examinations. They measure only the inconsequential type of learning."



"We would do away with degrees...a degree marks an end or a conclusion of something, and a learner is only interested in the continuous process of learning."


And I am only scratching the surface.

This fascinates me. That I had not made the connection before about the type of professional I was. About the type of person I already was before I came to unschooling. The seeds of this thinking were planted long ago by Carl Rogers and by my own experience in school, in relationships, and as a professional. It comforts me to find how deeply the tenets of unschooling are rooted in my person, and that I was almost unwittingly drawn to this more radical, yet, to me, so sensible way of raising children.

If you have read this far and you are not yawning....thank you. Perhaps this is a bit too narrowly personal for blogging, but there you have it.

If you are interested in reading more excerpts from this book they are here.

Friday Fill-In

1. Once I was a springboard diver.
2. Being pampered is the only good part about being sick.
3. Today at home I ignored Mount McLaundry.
4. What's The Old Spice Girls tour all about?
5. If I make a mistake I try not to make it again.
6. When I woke up this morning, I thought it would be a good day to stay in and watch movies with the boys.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to my husband coming home, tomorrow my plans include going to the Ricki Lake movie about home birth with a LaLeche friend and Sunday, I want to get outside with my kids!

Damn Cat!

Last night, my brother and I spent a couple of hours at his house, poring over old and new photographs, creating a photo collage for my parents' 50th anniversary celebration. On the way home, maybe a mile from my house, a black cat safely crossed in front of me. Now...I am not a superstitious person AT ALL. In fact, I thought about how silly I was to even notice the cat was black or to even consider that the incident could matter. HAH!

So....this morning, a rapidly forming coastal storm was predicted to hit the exact location of our party at exactly the time we were to gather. Snow, high winds, power outages, hazardous driving conditions,...the works. This is the first I have heard anything about any questionable weather for today, and I had been keeping an eye on the forecast all week. Winter in New England is very changeable, but, "hey whoops, we'll be experiencing some blizzard conditions today" is over the top. The inn where we planned to gather is not far from where my parents live. They are going there anyway for a little getaway. The dinner party was a kick-off for their mini-vacation. Maybe the forecast is wrong. Just an antidote for a slow news day.

As we ponder, watch forecasts, discuss.....

The inn calls. They are closing the dining room and our lovely table in the conservatory will not be available. A pub menu would still be available if we choose to proceed. WHAT!!!??? My visions of prime rib, fresh fish, and roasted capon have suddenly changed to personal pizzas, burgers, and buffalo wings. Sigh.

Okay,okay. No party. My parents are beside themselves with worry that my brother and I will attempt to drive our familes anyway and they are wholeheartedly relieved when I tell them we have decided to cancel. I am dismally disappointed, however I feel we have made the right decision.

But then...

my other brother calls. He has flown in from the other side of the country to surprise us all and he is on his way to the inn. WHAT!!!??? I explained the situation. He quickly understands, apologizes for not letting one of us in on his plans, but decides to go have dinner with our parents anyway.

Now he is stuck at a McDonald's as the roads are impassable. My parents are upset.

Are you still reading this train wreck?? Are you shaking your head? Because I still can't believe this happened, and the blame has to go somewhere, and if I ever see that damn cat again I've got a gas pedal and I'm gonna use it.

50 years together

Today is my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. Being their daughter, I have had the privilege to bear witness to their relationship for most of those 50 years. It has not always been blissful and perfect. In fact, I view the longevity of their relationship as a testament to their high levels of tolerance for periods of unhappiness. My mother was a school teacher for over 30 years, and my father was a veteran social worker. They retired from their jobs within a couple of years of each other about 8 years ago. They both worked hard at helping children their whole adult lives, and I think they were aware of how important it was to keep our family intact even when the going got tough. I also know that as stubborn New Englanders, divorce was just not considered practical.

They met while students at UMASS in the '50s. The story is that he was looking for a date, so he picked her name out of the college phone book. Back then, when you called a dorm, there was a dorm switchboard or a common phone and you had to be paged for your call. My mom was on duty that night when he called and asked for her. She agreed to meet him, they fell in love, and have been together ever since.

In the early days of their marriage, they remember celebrating payday by going out to buy a steak and cooking it in their tiny apartment. In more recent years they have been enjoying the fruits of their careful saving and savvy investments and they have been travelling together to different parts of the world. This thrills me. That they are still together. That they still enjoy each other's company. That they make each other laugh, and they argue, and they still love each other so very much.

My brothers and I and our families are throwing a dinner for them at their favorite inn on Cape Cod this weekend. I will bring my camera and take lots of pictures and be present in feeling the joy of the celebration.

A Friend Fix

I was just out of college and working at my first job as a counselor for teens when I met my friend, Kathie. She had just moved to New England from her home in Iowa to be with her future husband, and I shared an office with him. Kathie had left behind her beloved midwestern hometown and her large family. She was a little lonely for friends, so her boyfriend asked if I might call her to go out. Please! So I did. The truth was that I had recently moved to a new part of the state to start my post-college life. I had a new small apartment and while I adored my two cats (such listeners!), they didn't hold their liquor too well and they never had any good gossip. Kathie was the warmest, funniest, most even-keeled woman I had ever met and I told her guy the next day that if he didn't marry her I was going to steal her away. He was smart enough to marry her, and ever since then...twenty-two years ago...we have been friends.

Kathie was home raising children long before I was and I stopped by regularly to blather on about my personal dramas and wash her dishes. I remember when her oldest son, now a towering, handsome twenty year-old man, was a fragile premie, weighing only several pounds and strapped to a heart monitor. Her life was full of responsibilities and full-fledged adulthood, and I was somewhat in awe of her. By contrast, I think I offered an alternative to mommy talk and acted as an interpreter of all things Massachusetts(you'd be surprised!) to her warm, easy-going, midwestern personality. She was there when I met my husband, and she stood next to me at my wedding. Her youngest and my oldest are a month apart, and her company and support during my early motherhood helped me grow up. She knows just about all there is to know about me, and she still accepts my calls.

We got to hang out together this past weekend after several months of busy schedules, and after talking, eating, laughing, and talking....and eating, I am reminded of how wonderful it feels to share time with a true-blue old friend.